QUIET

QUIET

By Maan “Maggie” Villar, The World According to Maggie V

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I prefer to remain silent about us, to not divulge the love ensuing between us two people very much alike and at the same time very much distant. Our love is the low flame on a stove, safe yet warming…

But at the same time, on good days with you, it is an influx of unidentified feelings that cannot be encapsulated in words conjured up by man to make another understand, all I know is that it is a conflagration… On good days.

On bad days, on normal days, I am adamant to feel the other side, the darker side because I have grown in the fear of hurting and losing myself again, I am inept of emotion, or maybe I prefer to be that way — unfeeling and oblivious.

As much as I want to talk about you, brag about you and tell them of the moments we share that make good stories, I prefer to hush and keep it to my memory… It is a beautiful secret…. And we are sheathed by their unknowing because what is habit and what is ordinary is often time missed – they will never notice because we are just together, a placement in the eternal parabola of time, a streak to the blind side. Seeming ordinary like a common thing that goes unnoticed in our everyday, like a toothbrush, a towel or a wrist watch that when lost would be a disturbance to the natural flow of things – that is our love.

P.S. Today, like the long days that have passed without you, I realize that the pain is losing you is remarkably different from the ones that I have felt in the past. Pain was one full blast of emotions that erupt from a break-up and recedes away as time passes. But the pain of being away from you is one that goes on a steady crescendo with time’s passing. I wonder if it would stop at a certain point. 

 

A BRIEF RESPONSE

I read your blog and I am overwhelmed with emotions for the first time this year, you said you missed the vision of me in your couch when I have only you white shirt on. I miss being that vision too, I felt my most beautiful, being in just your loose white shirts, smelling of laundry detergent and mothballs. I made a choice that day, I chose him over you and ended up with no one. And years after our brief dalliances, you still inspire most of what I write. Just like you, I put up this blog because I know it is one of the ways to reach you. Reason and reality over wishful thinking, it is only a sliver of hope that we still share tomorrow together. But before I sleep at night, before I am rocked away by the delirium of sleepiness, I feel our connection. I feel that I know the goings-on in your mind, what you are feeling and thinking at that exact moment. Sometimes, I wonder how many women have shared your bed and if you too think of me while you find a temporary cure for your lone. For now, the past would be the glue that binds our like minds and hearts, a reason to believe that in the vast spectrum of eternity a vagabond and a minstrel were once destined. I miss your laughter and wise eyes…

But, if you say you miss me like you say you do, you should be willing to put it through the true test:

When you walk on a beach or when you witness a magnificent natural phenomena like the sunrise or the warm tones on the sky when the sun is about to set, close your eyes and feel your heart… If you feel that you want me to be beside you holding your hand as you walk through the shores or sit on the sand, if you want to whisper dreams and sweet nothings under the sheath of stars in the night sky, if you think of me when the sun rises in the morning… that means you truly miss me… You miss me if you think of me at the most beautiful moments and at the saddest ones.

FIBA WORLD CUP 2013: A TESTAMENT TO OUR LOVE OF BASKETBALL

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FIBA WORLD CUP 2013: A TESTAMENT TO OUR LOVE OF BASKETBALL

By: Maan “Maggie” Villar, The World According to Maggie V

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The world stops in the Philippines when there is a Manny Pacquiao fight: there is no traffic, the malls are less crowded, streets are less congested and you can actually sit in the train and buses and in the small neighborhoods and barangays, young and old are cloistered and glued to their television sets – cajoling, shouting and betting. The same scenario was true for the FIBA 2013 World Cup where almost everyone held their breaths as we hosted the games, hoping that doubts of us being hosts would not come to life and that we hear commendations and good tidings from our neighbors.

The peak came when standard-bearer SMART-Gilas was pitted against the giants of Iran’s team. The social networks were flooded with well-wishes, updates and cheers for the local team and comments on Iran’s Hadadi’s enormity. Iran was indeed competition despite the fact that their A-sport is soccer. Philippines emerged as a successful FIBA Asia team with a silver medal for this year sans Kelly Williams and Asi Taulava – Japeth Aguilar took on the center stage like David against the Goliath which is Hadadi. To date, our country is still the most successful FIBA Asia team for having the most gold medals. Although China and Korea are making ruckus in the basketball world, they only became successful recently. We could trace our long-standing success in basketball to the great influence of Western culture and that we had national leagues earlier than everybody else. Although losing in the finals, Gilas made it to the Olympics which gives us something greater to look forward to as we again showcase our basketball acumen to the world stage – it may even be a blessing in disguise that we lost the finals as we didn’t even make the cut for the Olympics last time.

The whole world may find it odd that given our short built and other physical characteristics said to be apt for soccer rather than basketball, we take pride in being probably the only country in our continent in love with basketball. Yes, we are making our mark in football, but a Filipino can never forget its first love. If you ask some of our fellows what our national sport is, some of them would respond BASKETBALL, sometimes despite knowing what the national sport is, it comes out au natural.  It driven us to the edge of our seats once more but we proved and prided our nation that despite objections and dissent, our passion and inherent love for the sport could lead us to greater places. And, just an answer to recent developments and issues, the P1 million grant of our government is well-deserved; they did work hard for it and represented our country well.

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An Untitled Love Poem

AN UNTITLED LOVE POEM

By: Maan “Maggie” Villar, The World According to Maggie V

 

– My good friend L found this love poem somewhere in the nooks and crannies of their house, it is an old poem I wrote dated April 17, 2011… Go figure… Man’s words are really sweetened by love and here is firsthand evidence…

 

Still enthralled with each stride you take as you enter

A crowded room,

You are a vision:

You wake me up from the drone

Of cigarette smoke,

Of vague chatter,

Of colored lights,

And,

Of melodious rhythms.

How do you do your magic?

Of stopping time as each hand of the clock tick to the next second,

Of calming the fire of passion in my nerves with a single touch,

Consoling a broken heart with just a peck on the cheek,

Of muting noise and sound,

And of tugging heartstrings of a heart embittered, cold and frozen

Warming it in your palms

Melting the thick clumps of ice

Mending unknown wounds

Making it love

Unconditionally…

Love has gathered up

Pent up

Underneath the crevasses of a heart

Not meaning to do so

Not believing it will

But it did…

You made it do so.

Like I said

You did magic,

You are magic.

A miracle, almost.

I want all of it not to become a memory

Because memories fade

And we look for what was

When those memories are beautiful ones

I want us to last.

One day at a time

Each fond moment unraveling at its pace.

Democritus said that

“Everything came from nothing”

It relates to us

“Who would have known?”

We were two lone strangers

Empty.

Broken.

But it happened…

I’m glad it did.

Dreaming and hoping to spend the rest of my days with you,

Of watching our tresses turn ivory together

The laughter of grandchildren in our lawn

Conversations on a fireplace over home-cooked dinner

Breakfasts lit by the majestic sunrise of each morning

Rainy days cozying up to slow soulful jazz saxophone…

Always I would fancy

Having that turn in my stomach

The stoppage in my breathing

The lightness of feeling

AS if I metamorphosed into a firefly’s diaphanous wing

Every time you walk in the room…

I cannot imagine life with another nor the same musings

because of another man.

I guess you got me,

And I LOVE YOU for doing so.

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Vanilla Ice Cream

I write this as I drop by the Family Mart tucked between the humongous concrete slabs of buildings in 6750 and order a hot cup of coffee and vanilla ice cream…

Vanilla ice cream reminds me a lot of you,

not because you like it,

or not because you’re sweet…

It’s because our relationship is like vanilla ice cream,

it melted…

and became just vanilla mess.

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I write this on a tissue paper I used to wipe the vanilla mess on the table and on my lips, it’s raining outside and my head is buzzing from too many vodka shots, am I even making sense now? Maybe not because I can’t make sense of the whole thing we have had. Because of you my writing is a mess, my academic life is defined (now) by my writing and you F it up.

Nice job.

Even my writing is a sticky white vanilla mess.

20 SEXY SONGS

 When someone borrows any music player like my PC, laptop, tablet, phone or MP3 player, they comment that there are hunk loads of sexy songs, pants off songs – don’t mistake me for a nympho because I am just a big fan of old school jazz, saxophones, broken chords on the piano and the great jazz masters and these sexy songs not only get me in the mood but wake me up and gets me going, puts me to sleep too – reflects my soul. And gosh, how I’d love to listen to Barry White’s deep baritone esp. at night with a glass of wine and dim lighting. I made up this list of my top sexy songs just to feed off the demands of C and I who find it funny that all I listen to are “sex songs”. LOL. And I have to separate my most recent discovery, Angela Bofill’s Under the Mon and Over the Sky, I really feel that there is so much of “sexy” with the fact that it is sang by the great Ms. Bofill, the lyrics, the rhythm, the sounds of nature placed in song, and the song being underrated – you can tell it’s on repeat and I’m in a bubble when I listen to it, like I literally won’t mind you when I’m feeling it (my dad even asked me for the title and artist when it was blaring from my speakers at home – all I’m sayin’ iis that YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IT!). Enjoy!

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1. Love Won’t Let Me Wait – Major Harris / John Legend

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2. Me and Mrs. Jones – Billy Paul

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3. Anytime, Anyplace – Janet Jackson

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4. Turn off the Lights – Teddy Pendergrass

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5. Bump and Grind – R. Kelly

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6. Twisted – Keith Sweat

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7. Slow Jams – Babyface feat. Tamia

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8. ‘S Wonderful – Joao Gilberto

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9. Something About Us – Daft Punk

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10. Our First Time – Bruno Mars

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11. Romeo and Juliet – Sylk E Fyne

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12. Feel Like Makin’ Love – Roberta Flack

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13. Unpredictable – Jamie Foxx

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14. I Want to Sex You Up – Color Me Badd

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15. After the Party – Koffee Brown

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16. It Never Entered My Mind – Miles Davis

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17. Can’t Get Enough of your Love Babe – Barry White

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(Holy sh** that frakking body. Sorry, I can’t help reacting… LOL)

18. All Night Long – Mary J. Blige (or the remix with LL Cool J)

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19. Suit and Tie – Justin Timberlake feat. Jay – Z

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20. Why You Wanna – T.I.

P.S. My apologies, Mr. Man and I were driving to ourr respective offices this morning, he says I have to add All the things (your man won’t do) by Joe and argued further that you cannot make a sexy song top 20 list without Joe, Barry White and Luther Vandross. I concede. LOL

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Silvia Pellisero (aka Agnes-Cecile) is a water color artist based in Rome, self-taught and possesses raw talent. I always wanted to write about her, her works and paintings but I never really found the right words because her paintings are too beautiful for words to describe. Modern art is democratic, I mean anyone can become an artist nowadays but Pellisero is one of the artists I have a deep regard for as she maintains her identity and style in all of her paintings which evoke fluidity, subtlety, and mystery. I always have a folder of her paintings kept in my laptop, tablet and computer – a constant because her art is the anti-thesis to mine as mine is bold, dark and “anal”. It is a plus that Pellisero is a good-looking woman herself, it is reflected by her paintings which evoke the beauty of the human form.