I have to be honest…


I have to be honest…

I have to be honest that there are times I want to write my paper, concentrate on my work, get things done and tick of things on the list on my weekly or daily goals but you enter my thoughts all of a sudden, and I just have to write about you. You, who makes me so happy… and so sad at the same time that it feels weird now and I wonder where this would take us. I am elated when with you, I go crazy when we fight, and I miss you just those moments before we end our day and say goodbye again. Time is precious with you, it is gold, and I have to stop everything despite the eternal costs that it entails in doing so. This is how special you are to me.

I have to be honest that in those brief meetings we have, the 15-minute power lunch, meeting and walking on the streets for a little chat or staying in your place just to read or laugh at stupid TV shows I grow more of the feeling. I try my best to suppress it because we made a vow to not fall in love with each other, to be together forever as friends, but sometimes it becomes so overwhelming, like I want to shout on top of the mountains that… you know… I actually love you… and not just as another of my guy friends.

Damn it.

Because my friend always tells me that I write so much about you. I wrote about you that magical night when we were reading before getting to bed and the light on your lamp just illuminated your eyes in this weird way that took my breath away. Or that time when we were walking under the bright sunshine and something about how the light hit your face that I just can’t take that picture off of my head of you. Whenever we cajole each other every time we play games on my tablet or gossip about things we see on the Web, the laughter and bond is just so natural, virginal. And how can I forget that time when we watched this thing together, you placed your arms around me and we just smiled at each other for so long a time and lit up the room, we looked like Liz and Dick that moment.

I have to be honest, our commonalities and differences are things that I think I can put up with for the rest of my life despite my “skewed” views on love and marriage. You might just change my mind about everything. I don’t know. You have this weird effect on me. When we argue over a phone call or over text, I actually enjoy that I see you genuinely care for me. That time when I got sick and you scolded me and was very insistent on going to my place to you know, care for me… I was butterflies after that phone call, and you’ll never know. Because we made that vow, to be friends so we’ll have each other forever…

And I think it would be good if we remain true to that promise, because I cannot predict myself. I do not want to hurt you. God knows I do not want to lose you. I want you as a constant in my life.

But darn it…

You’re too smart, you can dominate me, and you have this big booming voice that I love hearing over the phone along with those long text messages that I have to scurry up to my dictionary to figure out the meaning. I am smart myself, but you are smarter, and I love that about you. Cryptic, dominating, mysterious and passionate as hell – just my type of man… and you’re easy on the eyes too… you have a way of pulling off those silk ties and starched polo. You have a towering figure that I feel safe in. People give us a double over when they see us, we look that good together.

I have to be honest that I am falling for you, after all these years we’ve spent as friends.

I have to be honest…


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