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By Maan “Maggie” Villar

Sunday, February 24, 2013


            I am one of the living testaments to the fact that when you are an aesthetically gifted woman, you get special treatment and better or extra attention from everyone (not only men) in general. Although, and I want to be brutally frank right here, some not-so-good-looking personages would take much pride and entertainment in torturing you and making life a little bit more harder for you for the sake of feeding their underfed egos. A double-edged sword this ordeal is really but I am glad that the first scenario is true most of the time.  


            It makes my day when little things that people go out of their way in doing just to woo me or get momentary attention, the effort may be insincere at times but hey it makes my life a tad easier that way. I get free newspapers daily at that Jollibee branch I go to at The Fort even if I come in for breakfast late (say lunch time) because the waiters reserve one for me even the back issues knowing I am an avid reader of the papers and I need it for my daily consumption just like I need their breakfast meals to get me my initial serving of energy for the day. Or when I visit my favorite Bo’s coffee branch at G5, the waiters would make sure my corner spot near the magazines, lamp and power outlets are free and they prepare my favorite drink and usual tap with ice just as I step inside the store. There was even a time when I spent New Year’s afternoon at their shop that I got my coffee for free. I’m also a regular in two Starbucks branches in The Fort where they make sure I have my spot free and have no need to ask me for what drink and how many Splenda sachets they have to mix in my coffee. When I eat outside, waiters would give me extra rice for free (esp. at Yabu), inform me of special promotions they have, give me a free taste of what’s new in the menu, extra special service indeed. I get to sit comfortably in the MRT or the bus even when it’s crammed with people – I mean, a sardines inside the can would have more space really so it does no justice using the Filipino expression “parang sardinas sa sikip.” This is me being grateful to the perks, but that does not even comprise half of the story even if it already occupied a good half of the page.


            This is the longest stretch of time that I am sans a partner since I grew breasts and made my debut into puberty. I used this as a Facebook status once and boy did it get a lot of reactions from friends and foes alike that I feel the need to reiterate the fact here in my blog. I thought I was not going to survive single life, it’s not that my life depended on my partner nor am I defined by my partner, it’s just that the way I was raised, I was endowed with so much love that I have so much love to give away. Many people who do not know me well enough would construe this as being needy of a boyfriend and attention, but given my strong persona and zest for life, do I really need a partner even? I was never defined by my partners; in fact, it was even the other way around. Well, I would not want to delve into that as that is a whole different topic for a blog entry. I enjoy being in a relationship as much as I enjoy being single because I firmly believe in the fact that our happiness in our domestic life could define the happiness in our life in general. Many great minds have attested to this statement I just made, and I am not even sure if what I said is something that I am paraphrasing from something I read or something my mind did conjure to emphasize my point on needing a stable relationship.


             The whole fiasco of this single life is supportive of my “hedonistic” sexuality which I wrote about in the past (particularly in my entry ORPHAN OF THE HOLIDAYS) but I swear it on my grave, if I find the right man, I will never be out of the market again. I guess even with the whole mardi gras or party or fun of being single which how some would like to describe it, at the end of the day and as how we are built biologically, we would look for our partner and cohabitate, fulfill our womanly and manly functions. I want that in my life, it is what I lack in my life. But maybe, the heavens is again conspiring to give me this stretch of time to go la dolce vita because it is the perfect age, I have my whole life stretched out in front of me, I am now with the means, the time and the energy to fulfill my most coveted dreams and aspirations in life. In fact, I even see as the time for me to learn fully loving myself and making myself the perfect partner for the perfect partner that I want for myself. That sounded like a merry-go-round right there but let me rehash that usual advice you would see in “Letters to Angie” or something column in magazines that if you want to have the perfect partner, you have to be the perfect partner for that person yourself. Nowadays everyone is practical, I don’t know if this is an indirect effect of the economic turmoil and crunches we encounter but we always want to have a good deal, the package offering the best value for our resource – even with our partners.


            And yes I am not yet done with the Eat, Pray, Love process as the great Elizabeth Gilbert has popularized, in fact I am just in the Eat stage and loving every minute of it. I am loving myself more and more each day. When I was with partner, I never really had the time to go to the salon twice a week to get a mani and pedi, get a good Swedish, or whatever treatment I would fancy as I browse their menu of self-love. It is a whole new experience for me to go to posh restaurants and movie houses alone – I always feared the idea of doing these things alone because it might look weird, but in fact, I get to savor the different flavors of my food and concentrate on the societal commentary of the movie I am watching which is also getting the value of what I paid for (being the economist I am, haha!). I was afraid to sign-up for different activities in the past because I was afraid of overshadowing my lover or having no time for the relationship that needs my nurture but now here I am newly signed up for Women’s Interactive Network (WIN), Badminton Club, Running Club, Band Club and renewing activities I lost touch with like my human rights activism for Amnesty International, Toastmasters, music classes and dancing. I never had the chance to fulfill my intellectual curiosities, take the road to my desired ends and success along with other pursuits without someone on the other line demanding more of my time. In fact, I bop my hips and sing with more melodiously as I clean my room and blare the speakers with Whitney Houston’s I’m Every Woman playing. I am being superwoman. I am superwoman.


            Unlike others who would enjoy single life because they can freely date and sleep with the world, I enjoy it because I find out more about myself, I live my passions, I tap unknown potentials, I find out how truly strong I am and I become more aware each day that I can make it in the world even if I am alone. I abstained from dating because I find it a waste of time to “date my exes again” if you know what I mean. OK, what I mean is that I keep on getting the same deal from these guys like they’re cloned in some man-making factory in Antartica. Another reason why I stopped dating is that I feel like I need this much space and time to make myself the best for my soul mate. It may sound funny but I do believe in the idea of soul mates even if I do not really term it that outright in my writings. Well, now you know.


            When he comes, I would be a better person, the best version of myself for him because I sacrificed my whims, hedonism and vanity for the pursuit of true love and domestic bliss. I might even get hitched with a Harry Winston ring and Carolina Herrera white dress when the man and the time would arrive finally. I don’t really think that I would be a spinster as how some of my friends would tease me. I know I would emulate the kind of love and parenthood I saw from my parents when factors to make it a reality for myself would fall each into its proper place. For now, I would make my dreams come true and my life an inspiration to others while I’m beautiful and single. 


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